Hi! It's your friendly neighborhood therapist in Bel Air, MD, here with some valuable insights on how to navigate your relationships. Today, we’ll discuss the importance of making yourself a priority in a relationship. Many people struggle with feeling undervalued and neglected by their partners. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish, even though someone in your life has made you feel this way. In this blog, we’ll explore how to ensure that your needs are met without compromising the relationship’s health.

Understanding Self-Priority in Relationships

Making yourself a priority in a relationship means valuing your own needs and well-being alongside your partner’s. It’s about finding a balance between self-care and nurturing your relationship. This balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy partnership where both individuals feel respected and valued. For instance, consider a scenario where you constantly put your partner’s needs above your own, leading to feelings of resentment and burnout. Recognizing and addressing these feelings early can help prevent long-term issues.

It’s important to keep in mind that finding this balance can be challenging, especially in the early stages of a relationship. When I work with clients in therapy, I call the beginning stages of a relationship “speaking to the representative”. When relationships are new, everyone is putting their best foot forward. You may not meet the real version of your partner until months or closer to a year down the line when life begins to throw challenges your way.

It’s ok if you make the choice to prioritize your partner during some times in your relationship if they are going through a particularly hard time (i.e a death in the family, financial issues, issues in their job, etc.), but just make sure this isn’t a consistent dynamic within your relationship.

What to Do When You Are Not a Priority in Your Relationship?

Signs that you are not a priority can include feeling neglected, unappreciated, or consistently putting your needs last. This can lead to emotional distress and a sense of isolation. If you’re experiencing these feelings, it’s essential to communicate your needs effectively. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel. Set clear boundaries and advocate for yourself. For example, if you feel your partner never listens to you, explain how this affects you and suggest ways to improve communication. Remember, it’s important to express your feelings without blaming your partner, focusing instead on how you can both work together to enhance your relationship.

What is the First Priority in a Relationship?

The first priority in any relationship should be mutual respect and understanding. This means both partners acknowledging and valuing each other’s needs and desires. Self-priority fits into this by ensuring you take care of yourself so you can contribute positively to the relationship. Balancing self-care with the needs of your partner and the relationship itself is key. For instance, regularly practicing self-care can help you stay emotionally balanced, making it easier to support your partner and maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

Tips for Making Yourself a Priority

1. Communicate Your Needs Clearly: Be open about what you need from your partner. This could involve regular check-ins to discuss how both of you are feeling and what adjustments might be needed.

2. Regular Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your own needs and desires. Journaling or meditative practices can help you stay in tune with your inner self.

3. Set Personal Goals: Pursue your interests and hobbies. This not only enriches your life but also makes you a more fulfilled partner.

4. Ensure Mutual Effort: Make sure both you and your partner are putting effort into maintaining the relationship. If the effort feels one-sided, it’s important to address this imbalance.

The Role of Self-Care in Relationships

Taking care of yourself benefits not only you but also your relationship. Self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends, help you stay emotionally balanced and resilient. Encouraging mutual support for each other’s self-care practices can strengthen your bond. For instance, if your partner enjoys running and you prefer yoga, make time for both activities, supporting each other’s interests.

Common Misconceptions About Self-Priority

A common misconception is that prioritizing yourself is selfish. However, there is a significant difference between self-priority and selfishness. Prioritizing yourself means ensuring your well-being so you can be a better partner. Being selfish is when you only care about yourself. Chances are if you are worried that you may be selfish, you probably aren’t. Selfish people don’t usually worry about being selfish because they are too busy being selfish! It’s about balance, not neglecting your partner’s needs but making sure your own are met too. When you are emotionally and mentally healthy, you are more capable of contributing positively to the relationship.

Are You Looking for a Therapist in Bel Air, MD to Help You Prioritize Yourself in Your Relationships?

If you find yourself struggling to make yourself a priority in your relationship, know that you don't have to navigate this journey alone. As a therapist specializing in relationship anxiety and supporting adult daughters with challenging mother-daughter relationships, I am here to help you understand and implement the strategies needed to prioritize your well-being while maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Hi! My name is Chenelle Ellie, LCSW-C. I am passionate about teaching my clients how to improve their relationships by focusing on their needs and desires! As a therapist, I find that many of my clients who struggle with prioritizing themselves learn this behavior in childhood. Did your mom model self care? Did she make you feel guilty when your desires did not align with her’s? Was there significant consequences if someone in your household was in a bad mood which led to you learning people pleasing behaviors?

Now that you are adult, you don’t have to make the same choices to feel safe. When working with me, I will provide you with a safe space to explore those feelings and past painful experiences that led you to being a people pleaser. Together, we can explore what you want out of life and in your relationships. Then we can start to introduce you to the person you are destined to be!

Reach out to me for therapy and let’s work together to explore your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and ensure your needs are met. Prioritizing yourself is not only essential for your mental and emotional health, but it can also profoundly enhance the quality of your relationships. Don’t hesitate to take this step towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. Contact me today to schedule a session and begin your journey towards self-priority and healthier relationships.

Making yourself a priority in a relationship is crucial for your well-being and the health of the partnership. By communicating effectively, practicing self-care, and ensuring mutual respect, you can create a balanced and fulfilling relationship. Remember, self-care is not selfish—it’s a necessary part of a healthy, loving relationship. If someone in your life is making you feel like your very reasonable self care regimen is selfish, reach out to me so I can help unpack these feelings and figure out if this is a healthy relationship for you to be in. Take action today to prioritize yourself and enhance your relationship dynamics. Best wishes on your journey towards self-priority and relational well-being.