Decoding Gaslighting: Facts, Myths, and Insights from Your Therapist in Bel Air, MD
Hey guys! It's your therapist from Bel Air, MD back with more insights into pop culture! There are plenty of buzz words out there that are used frequently that make everyone feel like they received a PHD in psychology. Many therapists have noticed that certain terms have been used incorrectly. Using certain terms like gas lighting or narcissist incorrectly can have some negative side effects in your relationships. Today, we will be defining the term gaslighting and dispelling all the myths that I hear commonly on social media.
What is the Actual Definition of “Gaslighting”?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves the subtle and systematic undermining of an individual's perception of reality. The term originates from the 1938 play "Gas Light," where a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her sanity by dimming the gaslights and denying any changes. In contemporary psychology, gaslighting is recognized as a pattern of behavior aimed at causing doubt and confusion in the victim, making them question their thoughts, memories, and sanity.
Sources for the definition of gaslighting include:
Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Harmony.
Robin Stern, a licensed psychoanalyst, explores the dynamics of gaslighting, providing insights into its effects and strategies for overcoming manipulation.
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). "What is Gaslighting?"
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers a comprehensive overview of gaslighting, describing its characteristics and providing examples to help individuals recognize and understand this form of manipulation.
These sources contribute to a comprehensive understanding of gaslighting, combining psychological insights with practical examples to empower individuals to identify and address this manipulative behavior.
Example From Reality TV: Love is Blind Edition
If you have read my blogs before, you know I am a reality tv junkie and I will find any excuse to slide in an antidote from one of my favorite shows. Right now I cannot stop watching the train wreck of “Love is Blind” and this is my second blog inspired by their 6th and most recent season.
There is a popular opinion that Kenneth gaslit Brittany during a conversation they had on camera that resulted in their break up. The thing about reality tv is that it triggers a lot of viewers when watching. So many of the story lines remind us of our personal experiences and it sparks an intense reaction from us, myself included.
But we have to be careful to not jump to conclusions and make definite statements based on what we see on our screens, especially when it comes to “Love is Blind”. Several cast members from previous seasons (and recently from the most recent season) of “Love is Blind” have spoken out about how producers have edited their situations to create more juicy tv.
When we look at the breakup scene of Kenneth and Brittany, many people believe that Kenneth gas lit Brittany into believing that she contributed to the problems that resulted in their break up. I believe many believe this because Brittany came into the conversation confident that her perception was accurate about Kenneth. She felt like Kenneth was no longer interested in her because he became more cold in his demeanor and distracted by his phone.
This may be true, but when Kenneth gave his perception of how he has tried to be physically affectionate with her, Brittany agreed with him. Since we are only getting a very small snippet of their experience on the show, how do we actually know if he is manipulating her to make her question her reality.
As a therapist in Bel Air, MD who works with couples, it is very common for couples to have different ways of viewing the issues in their relationships, This does not mean that someone is gas lighting you. This could simply mean that there needs to be more clear communication about what is going on.
I’m not saying that Kenneth did or did not gas light Brittany. All I’m saying is that we need more information before we make that conclusion.
Gaslighting Myths: Dispelling Misconceptions
Gaslighting is often surrounded by myths that can hinder a clear understanding of this manipulative behavior. Let's debunk these common misconceptions to foster a more accurate awareness:
1. Exclusive to Romantic Relationships:
Myth: Gaslighting only occurs in romantic relationships.
Fact: Gaslighting can manifest in various relationships, including family, friendships, and professional settings. Manipulative behaviors extend beyond the romantic realm.
2. Requires Overt Manipulation:
Myth: Gaslighting is only effective when it involves overt and obvious manipulation.
Fact: Gaslighting is often subtle, involving covert tactics like minimizing, trivializing, and subtle denials. Recognizing these subtle cues is essential for identifying gaslighting behavior.
3. Limited to Intentional Manipulation:
Myth: Gaslighting is always a deliberate, intentional act.
Fact: While some instances are intentional, gaslighting can also occur unintentionally when individuals lack self-awareness or effective communication skills.
4. Easy to Identify:
Myth: Recognizing gaslighting is straightforward.
Fact: Gaslighting is often insidious, making it challenging to identify. Victims may gradually question their reality, and the manipulation can be subtle, requiring a keen awareness to recognize.
5. Solely Verbal Manipulation:
Myth: Gaslighting is limited to verbal manipulation.
Fact: Gaslighting can involve non-verbal cues, such as body language, gestures, and facial expressions. Manipulation is not solely restricted to verbal communication.
6. Always Results in a Victim Questioning Sanity:
Myth: Gaslighting always leads to the victim questioning their sanity.
Fact: While confusion and self-doubt are common effects, not every gaslighting victim questions their sanity. Gaslighting can manifest in various emotional and psychological impacts.
7. Occurs Only in Toxic Relationships:
Myth: Gaslighting is exclusive to toxic relationships.
Fact: Gaslighting can occur in various relationship dynamics, even within generally healthy relationships. Recognizing and addressing gaslighting is crucial for maintaining overall relationship well-being.
By dispelling these myths, we can cultivate a more accurate understanding of gaslighting, empowering individuals to recognize manipulative behaviors and seek appropriate support.
What Should I Do If I Feel Like I’m Being Gaslit?
In my next blog, I will discuss how to recognize if you’re getting gaslit and what to do about it. So stay tuned!!!
Would You Like to Explore Your Specific Situation With A Therapist in Bel Air, MD?
Chenelle Ellie, LCSW-C
If you suspect you've experienced gaslighting or need support in navigating challenging relationships, don't hesitate to reach out for therapy. As your therapist in Bel Air, MD, I'm here to provide a safe space for healing and growth. I specialize in healing relationships, so I may be the therapist for you!! Your journey to empowerment starts with a conversation—feel free to contact me to schedule a session. Together, we can unravel the complexities of gaslighting and foster healthier, more authentic relationships.