Imposter Syndrome vs. Incompetence at Work: A Therapist From Bel Air’s Guide

Do you often think that you’re not good enough at your job? Do you feel like it’s only a matter of time before your coworkers and bosses find out that you are a complete fraud? Maybe you are doing a terrible job, or you could have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Let me provide you with tips on how to combat Imposter Syndrome from a therapist in Bel Air, MD!

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Dr. Emee Vida is a psychologist who specializes in treating Imposter Syndrome. According to her book “Imposter Syndrome Remedy”, “Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt, incompetence, and inadequacy, despite evidence that shows otherwise.”

Imposter Syndrome Can Make You Feel Alone

As a therapist, I see so many people who do not understand their worth. They have a hard time recognizing how others benefit from their presence or their positive attributes. We are our own worst critics and this way of thinking creates dynamics at work where employees feel like they owe their bosses. But in reality, if you are a hard worker who cares about doing a good job, they benefit from having you work in their company.

Sometimes it’s hard to recognize just how good of a job we’re doing. We go to work and we aren’t able to complete all of the tasks on our to-do lists and this could leave us feeling like a failure. It’s important to also identify all of our successes. When clients tell me they feel like they are not good enough at work, my go-to question is always “According to who’s standards?”. There are managers who tell you that you aren’t doing a good enough job on a regular basis with no realistic goals or expectations (and if that is the case you should definitely consider finding a new job). But there are also employees who have unrealistic expectations for themselves. Here are some questions to consider if you are feeling like you are not doing a good enough job at work:

·       Has your boss said anything negative about you or the work you’re doing?

·       Have you been written up?

·       Have you made a terrible mistake at work that has negatively impacted your coworkers or clients?

·       Are you not performing at the standards expected of a person in your current role?

If most of the answers above are no, then are you really doing as poorly as you think? What evidence supports your perceived incompetence? So many of us expect ourselves to enter a new job and do everything flawlessly with no mistakes and no learning curves. This is not a realistic expectation for us.

Tips to start making realistic career goals and aid in higher self-esteem at work:

1.     Ask a lot of questions: We often feel like we are bothering our coworkers and supervisors by asking questions. Sure, we should take some initiative when exploring solutions, but ultimately, asking questions can help build rapport with your coworkers, show your managers that you care about the quality of your work, and help you to understand what your employer expects of you.

Process Your Worries With Your Boss

2.     Ask your employer how they think you’re doing: I know, I know, this can be very scary. But think about it. If you know what an employee is expected to know and/or produce at the level you are currently at, wouldn’t that cause you to have more realistic expectations of yourself? If you ever think that your boss probably thinks you are not performing well try this question: “Hey Bob, I’ve been struggling with remembering the steps in this particular task. Is that normal for someone who has worked in this company for the amount of time I’ve been here or should I have it down by now?” If Bob says you should have grasped that information by now, follow up with “Do you have any tips on how to remember the steps? I want to make sure I’m doing a good job.” So even if you could be doing better, this lets your boss know that you take your role seriously.

3.     If you are uncomfortable asking your coworkers or boss for feedback or assistance, check out any documentation that outlines your roles and responsibilities. This may be an employee handbook or any documentation that was given to you when you started your employment. If any of those documents outline your expectations, assess whether the quality of your work is up to par according to the standards outlined. Remember to take a learning curve into consideration.

4.     Actively participate in evaluations: Many companies have quarterly or yearly evaluations. Use this time to ask questions, explore how to further your career goals, and identify any issues you are having. So many times employees just sit and listen to what their managers have to say in evaluations. If you disagree with a critique your manager points out, voice it. You don’t have to be combative. This could simply look like explaining that you were late for a project because another project deadline was given to you by another manager. Remember, having these conversations can give you the data you need in order to meet your career goals. If you feel like your boss is being unreasonable or unfair after voicing your concern, then maybe your next step should be looking for another job. But if you never have the conversation, how is your boss supposed to know that you’re struggling and possibly give you assistance?

5.     Don’t assume you know what your coworkers and bosses are thinking: Yes, there are times when you see eye rolls or a coworker actually tells you that you suck at your job. Those situations will tell you exactly how your coworkers think of you. But oftentimes I find that my clients assume that everyone hates them or thinks they are awful at their jobs. When you start to have those thoughts, try to think of any evidence of why this may be true. If the only evidence you have is that you know you are doing a terrible job, so they know you are doing awful as well, that’s not evidence. That’s you projecting your feelings about yourself onto others. If you can’t think of one reason why your coworkers would think less of you, it’s probably your anxiety talking.

6.     Create a list of your accomplishments: Create a list of successes, accomplishments, or anything that highlights how your company has benefited from having you work for them. Reading this list gives you a great ego boost when you are feeling down on yourself, but you can also use this list when communicating with your manager. If you’d like a raise or a promotion, bring the list with you when you speak with your boss. Outline how you have already increased revenue, created a healthier work environment, or any other way you’ve made your company better. Also, if there are tasks on the list that you’ve completed that are supposed to be the responsibility of a position that is currently higher than yours in the company, there is nothing wrong with pointing out that you could do more of this if you are promoted and you have already proven that you can do this role.

Explore Any Possible Self Esteem or Communication Issues with a Therapist in Bel Air, MD

If you explore all of the tips above and you continue to feel like your work is not up to par, talk to a coworker or boss about it. It can be scary to open up to your boss or supervisor and risk them finding out how much you’ve been struggling. But in reality, gaining outside support and guidance is one of the best ways to gain clarity. Your boss could give you some tips on how to complete tasks with less stress. Your boss could also show you some empathy and let you know that it will get easier with time.

Finding a therapist in Bel Air, MD could also aid in providing you with an unbiased opinion. One of the benefits of therapy is obtaining feedback from someone who is trained to assess all aspects of a situation and provide honest feedback with care. Sometimes there is fear that your coworkers, bosses, friends, or family would judge you if they knew aspects of your life that you haven’t shared with anyone. Therapists create a nonjudgement zone in their sessions to help you cope with your anxious thoughts.

You may also benefit from exploring your difficulty with asking for feedback overall. I find that usually if there is difficulty communicating in a work environment, there is also some difficulty with communicating with friends and family. Therapy is a great way to work on any social issues that get in the way of you getting the most out of your relationships.

Help From a Black Therapist in Bel Air, MD!

Chenelle Ellie, LCSW-C, Therapist in Bel Air, MD

I specialize in working with people who experience relationship anxiety. People with relationship often over think all aspects of any relationship, including relationships with their coworkers.

If you are looking for a therapist in Bel Air, MD to bounce your thoughts from, click here to schedule a consultation. Once you start to share some of the thoughts that contribute to your low self-esteem, you’ll be surprised at how much better and more confident you will feel!

References:

Vida, D. E. (2018). Imposter Syndrome Remedy. (N. Langston, Ed.) PAME Code Publishing.