Bachelor Finale Reaction Blog: I See Right Through You, Zach
Were you just as angry as I was when you watched the finale of the bachelor this week?!?! Check out my reaction to this week’s episodes and the red flags you should pay attention to in your partner. I also dive deep into some of the mistakes I feel Zach made throughout the season from a therapist’s perspective.
Red Flag #1
I was definitely on the bandwagon about not liking Zach because I never liked him from the beginning. I was very confused about why the producers picked him in the first place. The first red flag I observed was when Zach was talking a lot of crap about Rachel during last season. So if you guys remember, he left because he kept talking about how Rachel was so much different in private than she was in front of the cameras. When Zach finally confronted Rachel, I wasn’t clear about what the actual problem was. What I took from that conversation is that she was insecure about his age and he took that as a red flag.
The reason why I identify this interaction as the first red flag is because Zach seems to present himself as being a great communicator, but in reality, it seems like he uses conflict to display how “mature” he is (This is just my opinion). The way he goes on and on about things is just excessive.
Red Flag #2
The second red flag that I noticed is how he dealt with Brianna. Brianna was the beautiful young woman who received America's first impression rose. Brianna also came to Zach with some concerns and it seemed like he dismissed them. Clearly, she was coming and talking to him to receive some support or comfort and he did not seem to prioritize those concerns as long as the drama in the house “was handled”. That whole situation was awkward. Ultimately, she ended up leaving because she didn’t feel supported or prioritized.
Red Flag #3
Red flag number three is when Zach hosted a virtual cocktail party. A young woman (I can’t remember her name for the life of me!) was trying to talk to him and relate to him about how it must be so hard for him to isolate himself while he had COVID and he kind of snapped at her. All she was trying to do was relate to him and it seemed like his only concern was to make sure everyone knew how much harder it was for him.
Red Flag #4
And of course, we have sex week. This is when I was really done with Zach. Before sex week, I was trying to give him a chance and I was open to being wrong about him, but he really messed up during this week. So first of all, he has Sean Lowe mentoring him, which is great. We all love Sean Lowe. Sean Lowe was a born-again virgin. So he decided to tell everyone that there will be no sex until marriage and definitely no sex during fantasy suites when he was the Bachelor. That makes sense, right? Because that's what he's going to do in his life, period. And any woman who wants to be with him needs to respect that and know that that's never going to be an option until they get married. So Sean Lowe shares that with Zach and then Zach decides he wants to do that too.
This was a decision Sean made for himself because that decision matched what he would do in real life. If you are such a sexual person, why would you set yourself up like this, sir?!?! Then you're going to announce to the entire world that there will be no sex. I understand that this is a reality show, but you can keep some things private, especially because this is the only time you have with your partner with no cameras.
This leads me to Red Flag number four. Zach does not know how to stop talking. You don't have to voice every single thought that comes out of your head. Filtering your thoughts before you say them to another person is healthy. He told each contestant that he wasn't going to have sex, assuming that they want to have sex with him. Why can't you just have that conversation in private? I also feel like in past seasons, we didn't see as many leads talking about what they did during fantasy suites. We just kind of assumed that they were probably having sex, but we had no idea. So if there is one time throughout this whole experience where something doesn't have to be broadcasted to the world, I think it's this time.
Throughout the last 3 episodes, Zach continued to say what was on his mind and packaged it as being an honest person. So he has sex with Gabby, tells her that experience will stay between them, and then almost immediately afterward, starts to tell America all about it! Zach doesn’t seem to have a filter. It is important to be able to keep someone else’s feelings in mind before you say anything to them. If you have people in your life that have no filter, then this is a problem. He also shared a memory of him getting in trouble as a child because he used to tell on himself to his parents. You were a child then, and now you are an adult so it is time to learn that your words can really hurt people.
It is important to think about your intentions when sharing certain information with your partner. Some things to consider are:
Why is it important to share this information?
Knowing my partner, would sharing this information help or hurt the situation?
Am I only sharing this information to make myself feel better?
Zach mentioned that he doesn't want other people to think that he's not a man of his word. This was his priority, not Gabi or Kaity’s feelings. He chose to have sex with Gabby, agree to not tell anyone, and then change his mind and tell EVERYONE. Also, he didn’t come to Gabi to ask if it would be ok if he shared their very intimate moment with everyone. Instead, he made a decision on his own and went to tell her that he will now tell everyone.
So from there, Zach tells Kaity about it and Kaity point blank tells Zach that she wishes he didn’t tell her. So now she has this visual of Zach having sex with Gabby during one of the last dates they have together before Zach decides who he is going to propose to. So Zach’s intention was to be honest so that people wouldn't accuse him of not being a man of his word. You prioritized your reputation and “loyalty” to Katie over Gabi’s feelings and your word to her. You were thinking about yourself and your relationship with Katie, not Gabi.
Red Flag #5
And there is the discrepancy regarding Zach telling Gaby he didn’t know who to choose until the night prior to their break up in bed and then Zach telling Jessi at After the Final Rose that he knew during his last date with Katie. Since then, Zach has come out and said that it only seems like he’s lying due to how the last episode was edited. Red flag number five is Zach not taking full accountability for his mistakes.
His version of the story still makes no sense. Also, I wish he would just own the fact that he wasn’t entirely truthful and end it at that. He tries too hard to defend himself in his interviews and I wish he would just state that he understands that he hurt these women and make a commitment to communicate in a more healthy manner. Sure, everyone makes mistakes. But the key to making your mistakes right is apologizing (without constantly explaining your side of the story) and making better choices in the future.
I’m not sure if Zach recognizes where he went wrong. I am fully aware that the leads on the Bachelor are put in a very difficult position, but I am not sure if Zach understands how ineffective and hurtful his communication style can be. Hopefully, he is able to learn from his mistakes and make better choices in the future.
Have You Spotted Any of These Red Flags in Your Partner?
If you have seen any of these red flags in your relationship, it doesn’t mean the relationship is over. Here are some things you can try:
Have a conversation with your partner and be clear about how you’d like them to communicate with you moving forward.
If you are still having a hard time communicating and understanding each other, couples counseling can provide you with a safe space to explore your relationship further and come up with guidelines on how to best support each other moving forward.
If you or your partner are not ready for couple’s counseling, individual counseling could help as well. Counseling can help you understand what you need in your relationships and how to best communicate those needs to your loved ones. If your partner is not willing to love you the way you need to be loved, they may not be the right person for you.
If you would like a therapist to further explore the red flags in your relationship, check out my contact page to schedule a FREE 15 minute consultation to learn more about how I can help you. I specialize in relationship anxiety. Gabi was able to trust her instincts in the finale. Reach out to me if you are ready to step into your power and start eliminating those anxious thoughts about your relationship.