Love is Blind: Defying Family's Wishes
The Netflix Show Love is Blind had an incredible season 4! There was so much drama and I love how it sparked so many conversations about love and relationships. As a therapist, I got riled up just as much as everyone else while watching! Check out my take on making decisions despite your family’s wishes. We saw this play out with Kwame and Bliss this season. Have your goals been heavily influenced by your family or family traditions?
The Love is Blind Concept
For those who haven’t watched the show, Love is Blind is a reality show on Netflix that puts a twist on dating shows. Love is Blind is a social experiment that involves singles dating behind a wall that they call “pods”. Participants are not able to see each other so they are building relationships solely through conversations through a giant wall. Each woman has the opportunity to build connections with each man and ultimately, a man will propose to the woman he falls in love with in the pods. They then meet each other face to face and fly to a destination where they can get to know each other over vacation. The couples then move in together, continue to get to know each other, and then make a decision on their wedding day on if they want to marry each other.
The Pressure of Family Expectations
Throughout the four seasons of the show, we see families either support the cast or voice their concerns about their loved ones taking this unconventional leap of faith. This season, we saw two cast members with families who disapproved of the process.
Bliss’ father made it very clear that he did not think that the man she chose was good enough for her. What I loved about this interaction is watching Bliss stand her ground. She validated her father’s concerns but explained that ultimately this was her decision. She made it clear that she was aware of the risk, but ultimately, this was her decision to make.
Bliss made this conversation look easy, but for so many of my clients who see me for therapy, this is one of the scariest conversations to have with their parents. It is not easy to not have the support from your family when you are making such a monumental decision. One thing I work with my clients on in therapy is identifying your goals for your life. This may sound like an obvious thing that everyone knows about themselves, but you would be surprised at how many people are living their lives based on others’ expectations.
For example, do you ever feel shame about your life when you look at your friends on social media having babies, getting engaged, or posting beautiful bikini pictures in tropical islands around the world? Or do you ever go to family dinners and feel the pressure to graduate with degrees that will give your parents bragging rights?
One thing I always discuss with my clients in therapy is identifying the aspects of their life that make life worth living. This may or may not align with their family’s values, and that’s ok.
Defying Family’s Wishes
Another cast member who struggled with gaining support from his parents is Kwame. Kwame is an African man and he eluded to his mother wanting him to marry a woman more aligned with his culture. His mother was not filmed at all during the show and he expressed his disappointment with his mother not being present at his wedding. We learned later in the season that Kwame and his mother are best friends, so it is understandable why his mother’s absence was so hurtful.
Kwame’s situation was a bit different than Bliss' because his mother was not present at all during the show. We all know about his mother’s disapproval based on Kwame’s recollections of their conversations off-camera. Bliss’ father voiced his concerns, but he was still present every step of the way. Kwame’s situation also had a cultural element to it.
For those who have parents who were not raised in America, it is often difficult for them to balance cultural values and the often differing values of living in America.
Overcoming Obstacles in Love
Ultimately, both Bliss and Kwame decided to marry their finances in the finale of the show. During the reunion, they both mentioned that their families have come around and are now in support of their marriages. For anyone who is struggling with a decision that may go against their family’s wishes, I would suggest that you give your family the opportunity to prove you wrong.
I see so many people who do not even have a conversation with their family out of fear of what they might say. That fear could be getting in the way of a beautiful moment where your family uplifts you and supports you. Your fear can also contribute to you not living the life that you want. In my years of being a therapist, I have never met someone who is truly happy and fulfilled living a life they do not want. You may also be in a situation where your family is not supportive at all. They may disown you if you make decisions that contradict their values or they may make hurtful comments as a result.
I have seen plenty of “successful” clients who still feel like there is something missing. If you have a hard time going after the life you want, a therapist could help you process the anxiety you feel about standing in your truth. As a therapist, my job is not to tell you what to do, but to provide you with a safe space to explore all of your thoughts, feelings, and fears. Then, with that freedom to truly process your feelings and past hurtful experiences, this gives my clients the opportunity to identify their goals and values on their own. There is often some fear or feelings of hopelessness that come up when you identify those goals and dreams. But a good therapist can help you explore realistic expectations and effectively communicate your feelings to your loved ones. Every situation is different so exploring your specific situation with a therapist could be very helpful.
If you would like to talk to a therapist about family dysfunction or living your best life, schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me to learn more about how I can help you as your therapist. Remember, family is important, but so is your happiness!